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Stop Sabotaging Your Life & Business

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How To Stop Undervaluing Your Products and Services

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As a business owner or coach, you pour your heart and soul into creating valuable products and services for your clients. However, all too often, many entrepreneurs undervalue what they offer, from stress management for business owners to undervaluing products and services. This can lead to missed opportunities and underappreciation. In this guide, we will explore how to break free from undervaluation and build a strong personal brand that allows you to charge what you’re truly worth. Let’s dive in!

Understanding Your Worth

To effectively communicate your value to customers, you must first understand the true worth of what you bring to the table. Follow these steps to stop undervaluing your products and services:

Conduct a Thorough Analysis: Assess the unique benefits and advantages your offerings bring. Consider the problems you solve, the results you deliver, and the transformation you facilitate.

Know Your Ideal Client: Tailor your offerings to address your target audience’s pain points and needs, making your products or services more valuable to them.

Research Competitors and Market Pricing: Investigate what your competitors offer and at what price points. Use this information to position your offerings effectively.

Defining Your Unique Selling Proposition (USP)

A unique selling proposition (USP) sets you apart from the competition. Define your USP to stop undervaluing your offerings:

Identify Your Core Strengths: Pinpoint what makes your products or services exceptional. It could be your expertise, a proprietary method, or exceptional customer service.

Understand Your Target Audience: Tailor your USP to align with what your ideal clients value most. Make sure it addresses their pain points and offers a compelling solution.

Craft a Clear and Memorable Message: Develop a concise statement that communicates your USP to your target audience. Make it the focal point of your brand messaging.

Building a Strong Brand Identity

A strong brand identity builds trust with your audience. Establish a powerful brand identity that reflects your true value:

Define Your Brand’s Personality: Decide on the traits and emotions you want your brand to evoke. Align your brand personality with your target audience’s preferences.

Design a Consistent Visual Identity: Use consistent colors, fonts, and visuals across all your branding materials. A cohesive visual identity fosters recognition.

Craft a Compelling Brand Story: Share the journey behind your brand, including its mission, values, and the story of how it came to be.

Communicating Value Effectively

Master the art of value communication to elevate your pricing:

Create Persuasive Sales Copy: Write benefit-driven copy that communicates the value your offerings bring. Focus on the transformation or positive outcomes customers can expect.

Utilize Customer Testimonials: Showcase positive testimonials from satisfied clients. Real-life success stories add credibility to your claims.

Embrace the Power of Storytelling: Weave compelling stories that illustrate how your offerings have positively impacted clients. Storytelling captivates your audience.

Positioning Yourself as an Expert

Establish yourself as an industry expert to justify premium pricing for your time and services:

Leverage Content Marketing: Create high-quality content that showcases your expertise. Provide valuable insights and actionable tips to your target audience.

Engage in Public Speaking: Offer to speak at conferences, webinars, or workshops related to your niche. Public speaking enhances your reputation.

Network and Collaborate: Connect with other experts and thought leaders in your industry. Collaborate on projects or interviews to increase your visibility.

Setting the Right Price Points

Set the right price points to strike a balance between profitability and customer satisfaction:

Conduct Market Research: Analyze competitors’ pricing and customer surveys. Find out what your audience considers reasonable for the value you provide.

Offer Tiered Pricing: Consider offering different packages or tiers to cater to various customer segments.

Test and Adjust: Continuously monitor the results and make informed decisions to optimize your pricing strategy.

Undervaluing your products and services can be a significant roadblock to your business’s success and growth. By understanding your true worth, defining your USP, building a strong brand, effectively communicating value, positioning yourself as an expert, and setting the right price points, you can break free from the undervaluation trap.

Branding yourself and your offerings effectively requires consistency, dedication, and a genuine passion for serving your customers. Take action today and schedule a call with me at callwithlisa.com to begin unlocking the true value of your products and services. Your business deserves to stand out!

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Conquer Self-Sabotage & Boost Productivity

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Self-sabotage can manifest in various forms, such as fear of failure, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs. Unlocking the true potential of your business requires overcoming these hidden barriers that hinder success. In the dynamic world of entrepreneurship, it’s important to realize that self-sabotage often lurks beneath the surface, impeding progress and stifling growth.

By gaining a deep understanding of these unconscious barriers, you can take decisive action to break free and unlock your business’s true potential. To conquer self-sabotage, it is essential to challenge and reframe limiting beliefs. These beliefs often arise from past experiences or societal conditioning, but they do not define your potential. Cultivate a growth mindset and altogether replace self-limiting thoughts with empowering beliefs that propel you forward.

Defeating Self-Sabotage: Tips for Entrepreneurs and Coaches

Once you have an understanding of the hidden barriers to success, it’s time to equip yourself with strategies to overcome self-sabotage and reach your business’s true potential. Here are some important strategies to realize for breaking free from self-defeating patterns and fostering a success-oriented mindset:

Self-Awareness

Develop a deep understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Recognize self-sabotaging patterns as they arise and make conscious choices to redirect them.

Mindset Reframing

Challenge negative thought patterns and reframe them into positive, empowering beliefs. Embrace the concept of growth and embrace failure as a valuable learning opportunity.

Goal Setting

Set clear, achievable goals that align with your vision. Break them down into actionable steps and celebrate each milestone along the way. Use goal setting as a compass to guide your actions and stay focused.

Accountability

Find an accountability partner or join a mastermind group. Share your goals, progress, and challenges with others who can provide support, encouragement, and constructive feedback.

Visualization and Affirmations

Visualize your success and use affirmations to reinforce positive beliefs. Create a vivid mental image of your desired outcomes and affirm them with positive statements that reinforce your capabilities.

Remember, overcoming self-sabotage is a journey that requires consistent effort and self-reflection. It’s not always easy, but the rewards are immeasurable when you break free from the chains of self-defeat.

Empower Your Path: Maximize Productivity

To unlock your business’s maximum potential, it is crucial to optimize productivity. Accordingly, here are strategies to enhance your productivity and create a high-performance environment:

Time Management

The first thing to remember is to prioritize tasks, create a schedule, and set deadlines to manage your time effectively. Identify time-wasting activities and eliminate or delegate them to free up valuable time.

Streamlining Processes

Analyze your workflows and identify areas for improvement. Streamline processes, eliminate redundancies, and leverage technology to automate repetitive tasks.

Delegation and Outsourcing

Recognize that you can’t do everything alone. Delegate tasks that are not within your core strengths and consider outsourcing certain functions to experts who can deliver better results.

Work Environment

Create an inspiring and organized workspace that promotes focus and productivity. Minimize distractions, optimize lighting and ergonomics, and surround yourself with motivational elements.

Continuous Learning

Finally, invest in personal and professional development to enhance your skills and knowledge. Stay up-to-date with industry trends and best practices to stay ahead of the competition.

By implementing these strategies, you can unlock maximum productivity and create a business environment that fosters growth, innovation, and long-term success.

Self-sabotage is a formidable challenge that can hinder your business’s success and limit your possibilities. By understanding the hidden barriers, implementing strategies to overcome self-sabotage, and optimizing productivity, you can finally break free from the self-defeating behaviors that have been holding you back from achieving your goals.

Remember, your journey to conquering self-sabotage and finding personal and professional success is unique. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and keep pushing forward. By doing so, you’ll embark on a path where self-sabotage no longer has a place in your life. 

Don’t wait any longer to maximize your business’s success! Schedule a call with me at www.callwithlisa.com and learn to shed those restraining habits and negative self-beliefs for good.

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3 Easy Ways to Unlock Work-Life Fulfillment

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A meaningful career is essential for overall life satisfaction. It’s not uncommon to find yourself stuck in a job that provides financial stability but lacks personal fulfillment. Here are three simple strategies to help you make your career more meaningful and ultimately lead to a more satisfying life.

1. Find work that benefits others
  • The ultimate indicator of a meaningful job is the belief that your work positively impacts others.
  • Keep an eye out for opportunities in your career that will directly or indirectly contribute to the well-being of other people.
  • Remember that even if your work’s impact isn’t immediately visible, it can still make a difference in people’s lives. Your specific superpowers are needed somewhere!
2. If you’re a leader, let people know that their work benefits others
  • Basically, successful leaders in a meaningful career always look for opportunities to praise their employees and ensure they know their work is valuable. Remember, to be a great leader, you must demonstrate strong communication skills that resonate with your team to keep motivation and productivity high.
  • Energize your team by highlighting the positive impact of their work. At the end of the day, it is because of your team that you are able to devote more time to the most paramount tasks. 
  • Reward your team members for their hard work and dedication to your meaningful career. One simple way to practice this is by showing them the real results of their efforts and loyalty to your company.

Example: The leader of a relationship coaching company can regularly remind their team of the lives they’re improving through their work by highlighting client testimonials. Doing so will create a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment among team members.

3. Strive to be the best at what you do
  • Pay attention to what you need to do in order to excel in your role. Actively model other people’s success and take note of their basic formula; these are the skills and strategies you will need if you want to ascend to their level. 
  • Set meaningful career goals and strive to achieve them. Long- and short-term objectives lead to an increased sense of meaning and importance in your work. Making a plan for your goals encourages growth mindset development, helping you cultivate a positive attitude and overcome self-doubt.
  • Continuously grow and learn, as this can help you maintain interest in and passion for your job. Invest in consistent personal learning and development to boost your confidence in assisting others on their journey to success.

Example: As a career counselor, attend workshops, master signature talks, and collaborate with peers to improve skills and stay engaged.

You do not need to reinvent yourself or your business countless times in the pursuit of fulfillment. Having a meaningful career is about being true to yourself, not settling for mediocrity, and continuously growing and learning.

It’s time to discover the sense of purpose that comes with a meaningful career. Schedule a call with me at www.callwithlisa.com to begin implementing these strategies today!

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Elevate Confidence: Personal and Professional Empowerment

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As a female business owner, it’s natural to face challenges that impact your personal and professional life. However, by embracing strategies to enhance your confidence, you can unlock the door to success and achieve your goals with greater ease. With decades of experience helping coaches and business owners increase sales and obtain more clients, I will provide you with some of the most effective tips and proven techniques to boost your confidence, empowering you to thrive in all areas of life.

Understanding the Impact of Self-Confidence on Business Success 

Confidence plays a vital role, above all, in achieving success as a female business owner. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to set ambitious goals and take calculated risks. Let’s explore the correlation between self-confidence and goal achievement, emphasizing the importance of boosting your confidence to drive your business forward.

To improve your self-confidence:

  • Set clear, attainable goals and celebrate small victories along the way.
  • Surround yourself with positive role models and success stories that inspire you.
  • Practice positive self-talk and challenge negative thoughts or self-doubt with affirmations.
  • Step out of your comfort zone regularly to build resilience and gain new experiences.
Identifying Personal Obstacles and Limiting Beliefs

Self-doubt and limiting beliefs can hinder your progress as an entrepreneur. Furthermore, by recognizing and challenging these negative thoughts, you can break free from the grip of self-doubt and step into your full potential. It’s time for you to identify the obstacles contributing to your self-confidence levels and use these practical strategies to overcome them.

To overcome personal obstacles and limiting beliefs:

  • Practice self-reflection and identify recurring negative thought patterns.
  • Challenge your limiting beliefs by questioning their validity and seeking evidence to the contrary.
  • Seek support from a mentor or coach who can provide guidance and help you reframe your perspective.
  • Take small steps outside your comfort zone and acknowledge your achievements along the way.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset

Above all, a positive mindset is the foundation of self-confidence. Learn how to practice positive affirmations, visualization exercises, and other powerful shifts that empower you to believe in yourself and conquer challenges. Incorporate these techniques into your daily routine to foster self-acceptance and self-love.

To cultivate a positive mindset:

  • Practice self-care and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
  • Surround yourself with positive influences, such as supportive friends or mentors.
  • Engage in daily gratitude practices to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
  • Use visualization techniques to imagine yourself succeeding and achieving your goals.
Developing Assertiveness and Effective Communication Skills 

Female business owners, assertiveness, and effective communication are essential skills for success in business and life. In addition, enhancing these skills will enable you, as a female business owner, to navigate professional relationships and opportunities with confidence. These tips will help you, as a female business owner, build assertiveness, express yourself confidently, and handle difficult conversations with ease.

To develop assertiveness and effective communication skills:

  • Practice expressing your thoughts and opinions in a clear and confident manner.
  • Learn active listening techniques to truly understand others’ perspectives and respond effectively.
  • Set boundaries and communicate them assertively to ensure your needs are met.
  • Seek opportunities to practice public speaking or engage in constructive debates to build confidence in expressing yourself.
Seeking Support and Building a Supportive Network 

Support from like-minded individuals is crucial for your personal and professional growth. By building a strong network, you’ll also find encouragement, guidance, and valuable connections that fuel your self-confidence and business success. Here, you will also learn the importance of surrounding yourself with positive influences, seeking mentors, and joining supportive communities.

To seek support and build a supportive network:

  • Attend networking events or join online communities to connect with fellow female business owner.
  • Seek out mentors who have experience in your industry and can provide guidance and support.
  • Join professional associations or organizations that cater to female business owner.
  • Share your journey and challenges with trusted friends or family members who can provide a listening ear and encouragement.
Embracing Continuous Learning and Skill Development 

As a female business owner, finally ongoing learning and skill development are essential for staying ahead in a competitive world. I will share the necessary strategies for expanding your knowledge, acquiring new skills, and embracing continuous learning to boost your confidence and propel your business forward. Finally, investing in your personal and professional growth will always be one of the most powerful ways to elevate your business and personal life.

To embrace continuous learning and skill development:

  • Identify areas where you can improve and seek out resources such as books, online courses, or workshops.
  • Attend industry conferences or webinars to stay updated on the latest trends and developments.
  • Seek feedback from clients, colleagues, or mentors to identify areas for improvement.
  • Set aside dedicated time for self-study and skill development, treating it as an investment in yourself and your business.

You can overcome self-confidence challenges and unlock your full potential as a female business owner. But remember, building confidence is a journey, and it requires consistent effort and lots of practice.

Ready to boost your confidence and achieve success? Schedule a call with me at www.callwithlisa.com, where we will embark on the journey of self-discovery, growth, and self-confidence!

Let Go Of Your Scarcity Mindset & Cultivate Abundance

Let Go Of Your Scarcity Mindset & Cultivate Abundance

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Did you know the person that succeeded started in the same place you did when they began their business? Many people think they need to have more than they have to get where they want to be. With 30 years of business transformation experience, I’ve witnessed how the right mindset leads to success. So, let’s explore the concepts of abundance and scarcity mindsets and how they can impact your personal and professional life. 

An abundance mindset is one that believes in the availability of unlimited resources and opportunities, while a scarcity mindset sees the world as having limited resources and opportunities. Understanding key differences is vital, as your mindset significantly shapes how you tackle life, ultimately impacting your success. It’s time to dive into the characteristics of each mindset and unpack the role they play in accomplishing your goals.

Characteristics of an Abundance Mindset
  • Belief in unlimited resources: Those with an abundance mindset believe there is additionally plenty of money, potential partners, and opportunities in the world for themselves and those around them to find happiness and success. This belief allows them to be more optimistic and open to new possibilities.
  • Positive outlook on life: An abundance mindset cultivates positivity, boosting motivation and enhancing your odds of goal achievement.
  • Willingness to take risks: With a belief in abundant opportunities, those with an abundance mindset are more likely to take risks and seize new opportunities. Therefore, this includes maintaining a growth mindset and being open to continual development.
  • Altruism: Believing in plentiness also encourages a generous spirit, as you believe that there is enough to go around for everyone. This belief eliminates the fear of failure, allowing self-focus and preventing jealousy and competition.
Characteristics of a Scarcity Mindset
  • Scarcity belief: Those with scarcity mindsets view resources as limited, leading to a competitive life and business approach.
  • Negative outlook on life: A scarcity mindset breeds negativity and pessimism, which can hinder motivation, create unneeded boundaries, and make success seem unattainable. 
  • Fear of taking risks: With a belief in lacking resources, those with a scarcity mindset are more likely to play it safe and avoid taking risks, potentially missing out on valuable opportunities. Maintaining a fixed mindset will trick you into believing your abilities are predetermined, hindering growth. 
  • Selfishness: A scarcity mindset can lead to a focus on self-preservation and a reluctance to help others, as you feel the need to protect your own interests above all else. Selfishness can be detrimental to business owners trying to manage client relationships and team member productivity.  
How to Cultivate an Abundance Mindset
  • Giving more: One way to start embracing an abundance mindset is by giving more, whether it’s through donations, volunteering, or sharing your knowledge and expertise. Helping others will show you that resources are not scarce and that you too can learn from others. 
  • Surrounding yourself with positive influences: It doesn’t take long to basically discover if someone has a scarcity or abundance mindset. Basically spend time with those who have an abundance mindset; their positivity and optimism are contagious. Basically, you are who you surround yourself with!
  • Setting ambitious goals: Set big, ambitious, stretch goals for yourself and believe that you have the resources and opportunities to achieve them. Cultivating this positive attitude will help you overcome self-doubt and limiting beliefs that once held you back. Your dreams are possible and can become your reality. 

The most powerful thing about your mindset is that it’s yours! Choose to embrace an abundance mindset and witness its transformative effect on your personal and professional life. By believing in limitless resources and opportunities accordingly, you’ll approach business positively, take risks, and attain greater success.

Are you ready to let go of your confining, negative beliefs? Schedule a call with me at www.callwithlisa.com to become the master of abundance and find the meaningful success you’ve been dreaming of. 

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Stop Sabotaging Your Success: Why We Do It & How To Stop

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It’s a strange feeling to know that you ruined the very thing you were trying so hard to accomplish, yet everyone has participated in self-sabotage at some point in their lives. Stop self-sabotage! Most self-sabotage is the result of discomfort, whether it’s the discomfort of failing, succeeding, or having to perform tasks that are uncomfortable. So let’s discuss the most common ways we self-sabotage and work to generate solutions to overcome them.

Typical Ways of Self-Sabotage
Distractions

The tasks that need to be done in order to be successful are typically less appealing than tasks that don’t actually progress success. Activities such as watching TV, surfing the internet, or spending time with friends can be fun and relaxing, but how much time can we devote to these things before they become detrimental to our growth? We’re experts at distracting ourselves, and the urge to seek out distractions increases with the unpleasantness of the task; hence, the habit of procrastination. 

Procrastination

Distractions are one way of procrastinating, but there are countless ways to procrastinate. Your time is your most valuable resource, especially when you have the goal of producing results for your business. Instead of scrolling or deleting old emails, stop self-sabotage and direct your attention to tasks such as marketing to potential clients, brainstorming new products, or checking in with your team members. The bottom line is that procrastinating puts the brakes on your goals while you could be accelerating.

Indecisiveness

Indecisiveness can be killing your success. When you can’t make up your mind, progress comes to a halt. Remind yourself that self-love is at the heart of every wise decision. This means waiting for certain knowledge or information before making a choice will only slow you down. When you trust your intuition, everything else around you will fall into place. Learn to have confidence in yourself, pull the trigger, and move forward.

Negative Thoughts

For many people, the closer they get to success, the more negative thoughts they experience. Research has shown that negative thinking can actually decrease activity in the cerebellum, making it more difficult to find or create solutions to the challenges you face. In order to stop self-sabotage and refrain from making this sabotaging mistake, practice mindfulness and let go of your negative thoughts and emotions.

Focusing on Low-Priority Tasks
The most important tasks are often the least enjoyable, so it’s no surprise that many people tend to put them off or avoid them completely. This is why you may find yourself tackling less important tasks with ease, as it allows you to feel like you’re still making progress. Be honest with yourself about your achievements and the rate at which you make them. Stop giving so much attention to non-essential tasks that do not contribute to your overarching goals. 
Quitting

Embrace the idea of conquering self-sabotage, and you’ll unlock the path to your success. You can’t achieve anything if you quit before you gain momentum. Remember that learning curves exist and new challenges are inevitable, but quitting will only fuel your fear of failure, closing the door to exciting opportunities and personal development. So, make a conscious effort to stop self-sabotage and ignite your passion as you journey towards your goals and embrace growth.

Solutions to Overcome Self-Sabotage

  1. It’s okay to have distractions in your life, but control when, and how long, you engage in them.
  2. Be clear on what needs to be done and why. Then, focus on just getting started, which is often the most challenging part of working.
  3. Be clear on what needs to be done to accomplish your objective. Give yourself a time limit to make a decision.
  4. Take control of your mind and practice mindfulness and positive thinking. Become your own biggest supporter instead of your own worst critic.
  5. Have a list of tasks to do each day, ordered from most to least important. Start at the top of your list and work your way down.
  6. Develop the habit of finishing what you start. Avoid caving into the fear that appears when you’re about to discover if you were successful or not.

The issue of self-sabotage is entirely your responsibility! At the end of the day, it’s easier to change yourself than it is to change someone else, so take advantage of that power and cheer yourself on by acknowledging “stop self-sabotage.” By recognizing the ways you sabotage your goals and progress, and implementing the solutions provided, you can overcome self-sabotage and achieve the success you deserve.

Wondering where to start? Schedule a call with me at www.callwithlisa.com and begin learning how to master your mindset and grab hold of your dreams.

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Are You Sabotaging Your Career Without Knowing It?

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If you are doing great work and yet your career seems to have stalled, it’s time for you to do some soul searching. Are you sabotaging your career?

Subtle signs you are sabotaging your career without meaning to.

Even if your job performance is great, it’s still possible that you’re doing things that are derailing your career. Three of the most common ways you may be undermining your success are not being a team player, not standing out from the crowd, and lacking a career plan.

Are you a team player?

You probably know that being a team player is key to career success. But being a team player means more than just ensuring the success of your team.

Relying on and working with your team is critical to being viewed as a team player. When you consistently accomplish all your work on your own, it’s easy for your team (and your boss) to forget how much they rely on you for their success.

Do you stand out from the crowd?

A crucial part of career success is marketing yourself – letting others know that you’re around and doing great work.

However, if you believe your work should speak for itself, you’re overly focused on just getting your work done, or always doing the work others don’t want to do (i.e., the drudgery), then you’re not standing out from the crowd. You’re making yourself valuable exactly where you are, and keeping others from realizing you’re capable of more.

Do you have a career plan?

Remember Alice asking The Cheshire Cat for directions?  Since she didn’t know where she wanted to go, he told her it didn’t much matter which way she went.

The same is true of your career. If you don’t know where you want to go, no one can help you get there.

How To Stop Subtly Sabotaging Your Career.

Awareness is the first step to change. Now that you know how you are sabotaging your career, you can begin doing something about it.

Start focusing on the big picture for yourself, your team, and the company. Once you become known for having your eye on the big picture others will naturally flock to you for advice and support which over time will lead to greater success.

Exude confidence. When your work is stellar, you’re a team player and you exude confidence. Others will notice, and you’ll suddenly be viewed as a true leader instead of as simply a dependable employee.

Find a mentor who can guide you toward achieving your career aspirations and around the inevitable company politics.

Moving your career out of a stall is possible. You just need to start with some soul searching to identify the root causes and then put together the necessary plans to get your career back on track.

Are you sabotaging your career? If you are and you’re ready to work with a mentor who can help you cease sabotaging your career and achieve the success you’re yearning for, reach out to me. I’m here to support you in achieving your dreams and goals.

Sabotaging

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship? Here’s How to Know If You Are

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All relationships have their ups and downs. And it’s easy to see how your mate is at fault for the problems. But, are you sabotaging your relationship without even realizing it?

The most successful relationships become that way because both partners consistently make the effort to make their relationship work.

Then, other couples who appear to be in model relationships seem to choose to sabotage instead of harmony.

The only way to know if you are sabotaging your relationship, is to take a hard look at your behavior – not theirs.

Start by thinking about your childhood. It’s important to begin here because how you deal with difficulties today is often the reflection of how you were treated as a child. What childhood issues and pain could be behind your behaviors that are damaging your relationship today?

Maybe you struggle with fully trusting your mate. It’s possible you could trace your trust issues to your parents’ lack of emotional presence in your life.

By recognizing things like this, you’ll gain the necessary control that allows you to monitor which behaviors trigger your negative reactions to your partner. Then you can prevent yourself from undermining your relationship.

Another way you might be hurting your relationship is by how you talk to yourself.

Many psychologists refer to the “critical inner voice” as the enemy of healthy relationships. When your critical inner voice is at work, one of the things it can do is reinforce your lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem can prevent you from believing that you deserve a good relationship.

This belief then activates negative perceptions of your partner. Viewing your partner through negativity makes it easy to blame your mate for all the problems in your relationship. This could even include waning feelings of love for him/her because of your fault finding.

The third way you might be sabotaging your relationship is by being too comfortable.

When you first entered the relationship, you did everything you could to make it work out because you were in love. You loved spending time together.

Back then it easy to communicate about just about anything. In fact, you were probably so in tune with each other that at times it seemed as if you could read each other’s mind.

And this easiness allowed you to become comfortable – maybe way too comfortable – with your relationship.

Perhaps you’ve relaxed into the “fact” that your partner knows you so well. You may have relaxed to the point where you are no longer communicating regularly with her/him about what’s important to you. Maybe you’ve also stopped asking about what s/he finds important.

Another way you may be taking your relationship for granted is by not spending enough quality time together. Making the time to regularly focus on each other is critical to a successful relationship. If you’re not doing this, you are without a doubt damaging your relationship.
If you now recognize that you are sabotaging your relationship by one or more of these behaviors, you’re on your way to resolving the issues. It’s only by recognizing your part that you can start taking responsibility for fixing your part.

Fixing your part will take effort. And it won’t guarantee that your mate will fix their part.

However, now that you know how you can improve things, you can choose to do your part to make sure your relationship has more ups than downs.

If you’d like personalized support as you as you more fully consider the question “Are you sabotaging your relationship?”, reach out to me. I’m here to serve you.

Is Low Self-Esteem A Feeling You Can Ever Get Over

Is Low Self-Esteem A Feeling You Can Ever Get Over?

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While you are in it, low self-esteem can feel like you are in an abyss that will never end. Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough and you find yourself feeling unworthy or undeserving and it affects every area of your life.

You need to know it is possible to get over the feeling of low self-esteem. It is a process of reprogramming yourself and taking inventory of what is true and what isn’t in your life. When you are battling low self-esteem you believe you will never get over it and everything negative you say about yourself is true, but it isn’t. A lot of what you tell yourself are just programs you have been running for a long time that require you to decompile them and install new upgrades.

Think of your mind like a computer. If you were running an old operating system like DOS today you wouldn’t be reading this article. You needed to upgrade your operating system to WINDOWs to get online and search the internet. Your mind is like a super computer; you sometimes need to identify the operating system and then the programs that have been installed. Some may work and others need to be updated, decompiled or deleted.

First let’s define what self-esteem really is because many people confuse it with how they look to others or what they have accomplished in their lives. Self-esteem simply put boils down to appreciating who you are perfectly imperfect. Self-Esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Low self-esteem is more common than most people realize and very misunderstood. It becomes the culprit and root cause that makes you vulnerable to stress, anxiety and even depression. Low self-esteem when not addressed can lead to many emotional, personal and relationship challenges.

The process to get over the feeling of low self-esteem is easier than you might have imagined. It requires you do some decompiling of your old programs and start questioning what you are telling yourself. You may be relying on the old tapes when you could be upgrading to DVD’s. It requires you to stop beating yourself up and put in some nicer programs that will support you now.
Once we understand the programs that underlie the low self-esteem we can begin to free ourselves to live with greater joy, happiness, success and fulfillment.

Are you ready to let go of what no longer serves you? Take back the control and live the life you deserve and desire?

Then commit to these simple tasks to learn how to get over the feeling of low self-esteem:

• Acknowledge How Low Self-Esteem Shows Up for You – Your low self-esteem comes from beliefs and the “lies” you tell yourself. You’re good or bad, a success or failure, pretty or ugly. Low self-esteem can come from a fear of not being liked and wanting others to accept you. Fear of not being good enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough. Fear of not being loved. Write a list of the fears or lies that are holding you back and causing your low self-esteem.

• Take Inventory of Which Life Lessons Created the Low Self-Esteem – More than half of your beliefs were formed by the time you were five years old by well-meaning parents, teachers and guardians.
For example, you believed in the tooth fairy, perhaps for years. Ask yourself, what other lies you were told? Think about some of the life lessons that have defined you. What was the life lesson you learned from it? Were they true or limiting beliefs that no longer serve you? Gather information and support, confront the perception, dissipate the fear. You get to choose which to hold on to or release.

Is it possible when you were nine years old someone said you weren’t smart? Could that have been true at the young age of nine that there was more you needed to learn? Does that mean you are not smart today? No, of course not, but if you keep telling yourself, you’re not smart you eventually will start to believe it.

Instead, make of list of 10 things that prove it to be FALSE. If you are finding a challenge identifying them ask your family, friends, co-workers to give you examples of times they found you to be smart in some area. Do this for your personal limiting belief that causes your feeling of low self-esteem.

• See What It Has Cost You Believing the LIES about Yourself – You may not have ever thought what low self-esteem has cost you. It doesn’t have to be in a monetary sense, but it can be too. Perhaps you missed out on events, gatherings, opportunities personally and professionally due to your low self-esteem. Allow yourself to “get sick and tired” of “being sick and tired” with it all.

• Break Through Toxic Emotions & Meanings – Words generate meanings which create the emotions of our lives, which drive all our actions, therefore producing the results we experience! Look at the language are you associating to your circumstances.

There are over 500k words in English language yet linguist say we only use 2,000 in our vocabulary. Over 4,000 words are available to describe our emotions yet most people generalize and live in less than a dozen (12) of which 80% are negative and we link all the same pain or pleasure to each one. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” persuades the victim of name-calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation, and to remain calm and good-natured. Names and words can hurt you if you let them.

Stay away from toxic words & emotions and create new empowering ones! Redefine the negative words and emotions you tell yourself over and over again that create your low self-esteem and replace them with new empowering meanings. Instead of generalizing the meaning and emotion make it specific and rewarding. For example, instead of “I am not smart” perhaps you came up with “I am smart at work”, “I am smart with how I raise my children”, “I am smart with my organization skills”, “I am smart with how I manage money.”

• Learn to take IMPERFECT Action – Give yourself permission to get over the feeling of low self-esteem and eliminate the things that keep you stuck like pain, shame, guilt and blame. Stop making excuses for your life and start taking responsibility for it from here on in. Take imperfect action and find what is great in every moment instead of what is wrong.

• Make Peace & Practice Gratitude – The gift of a high self-esteem starts with making peace with your pain. Start with gratitude. Be grateful! Count Your Blessings! Your very life is the results of your thinking processes. According to Claude m. Bristol “The secrets of success lies not without, but within, the thoughts of man…what you believe yourself to be, you are.” Your thoughts control every action be careful with them.

When you make these suggestions a daily practice in your life you will see low self-esteem is a feeling you can get over quickly and easily. Your self-esteem will improve and you will start to feel even better about yourself. You will find more appreciation and love show up around you. Your self-worth will improve and you will find yourself taking more pride in your successes.
The world around you may seem to have changed, but you will know it was an inside job.
Decide today to eliminate low self-esteem and make it a feeling you can get over. Start now by taking imperfect action, appreciate all the gifts in your life and live in gratitude. See how the challenges you once thought were so big no longer have weight in your life. Watch the way you see and feel about yourself improve day by day.

Eating Disorders Are About Feelings, Not Food

Eating Disorders Are About Feelings, Not Food

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Eating disorders are more about feelings than food. Unfortunately, today most people are focusing on the symptom and not the problem. In the U.S., 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder, according to NEDA.

No one wakes up one day and decides to have an eating disorder; it is something that develops as a coping mechanism to deal with what is going on in their environment. We are influenced by our family, peers, associates and media on a daily basis as to who we are supposed to be, act and look like. For many of us, we will never measure up to the expectations of others, non the less our own and it leaves us feeling like we are not enough. Due to inadequate coping skills to tolerate negative feedback, many will respond to emotional pain, conflict, low self-esteem, anxiety or stress by using food.

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Food becomes a means for control when you feel you have none. Outside emotions get displaced by taking the focus off what is really bothering you and putting it on the food. Some people will seek refuge in compulsive overeating, binge eating or bulimia, and for others they may choose to restrict with anorexia. They are all an attempt to use food intake and weight control to manage emotional conflicts that actually have little or nothing to do with food or weight at all.

Many people with eating disorders appear to be functioning at a high level, such as enjoying success with work or home life. Eating disorders do not occur in an otherwise fulfilled, happy, and emotionally stable person. People with eating disorders are struggling with a number of emotional problems that have been swept under the rug for no one to see. This may be a hard concept to accept. Often, the only problem appears to be with eating or weight. However, healthier eating habits or stronger willpower are not the missing ingredients that will make the problem disappear.

Emotional factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Low self-esteem.
  • Poor body image.
  • Feelings of inadequacy or lack of control.
  • Depression, anxiety, anger, or loneliness.
  • Perfectionism.
  • Stress, guilt, blame or shame.
  • Trauma.

Relational factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Problems with family and personal relationships.
  • Difficulty expressing emotions and feelings.
  • Belief they did it to themselves and don’t deserve care from others.
  • History of being teased or ridiculed based on size or weight.
  • Past of emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

Social factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Belief that people are judging based on their weight .
  • Society pressures that magnify “being thin” or having the “perfect body” as seen in media.
  • Belief if I’m not a certain weight I will not be loved.
  • Making size of a woman or man the value they possess in the world (IE: If they are too big they have no value).
  • Cultural norms learned and reinforced from parents, friends, teachers, and others in a society that values people on the basis of physical appearance and not inner qualities and strengths.

Solutions to help stop eating disorders:

  • There are a variety of potential causes to eating disorders. Once started they can create a self-perpetuating cycle of physical and emotional abuse. The only way to stop an eating disorder is a decision to do so by the individual that is hurting themselves.
  • Family and friends may have the best intentions to help the individual and create some potential leverage, but the only one that can make the decision to stop is the person doing it.
  • Understand that it may not have been a conscious decision to turn to food to feel better, and for that reason willpower will not help you stop it. You need help to work on the unconscious level to change the behavior and reinforce more empowering coping mechanisms to deal with negative situations so that you can live an authentic life, happy, healthy and free!

Eating disorders are insidious diseases and can be a real challenge to overcome. Once you change the meaning around what food is to you and learn to deal with negative situations in a non-reactive way, it gets easier to focus on what is really going on and deal with the problems not the symptoms.

Fortunately, today I can share that I have over 22 years of abstinence from compulsive overeating, binging and purging and it all started with taking the first step, making a decision to stop. If you are struggling with an eating disorder know that you are not alone and there is help out there when you are ready for it.

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is an Emotional Health Expert, Licensed Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner and creator of Neuro Associative Programming (NAP). You can find more helpful tips to loving yourself and emotional eating at her website, FineToFab.com, or by calling 1-844-FINEtoFAB. Pick up a copy of her book, Fine to Fab, here!

Survivor

Why be a Survivor when you can be a Thriver?

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Thrivers became the voice in the communities, in our families that stop history from repeating.

After watching Lady Gaga perform “Til it Happens to You” at the Oscars where she reveals her previously kept secret of being a survivor of sexual assault and seeing so many people follow behind her who called themselves “Survivors” I couldn’t help but think the word doesn’t truly capture how amazing these people truly are. I didn’t see any of them as “Survivors,” but as so much more, that was putting it mildly, each and every one of them are THRIVERS!

It left me thinking and wanting to understand what it really meant to be a “Survivor.” A Survivor is defined as: “To remain alive or in existence. A person who copes well with difficulties in their life. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: To remain functional or usable.”

I experienced sexual abuse on a date and had repeated experiences of assaults in my late teens. Those experiences back then traumatized me. I felt shame and self-blamed myself for years. It left me feeling helpless turning to food for comfort and support. I remember seeking help and being sent to counseling where I was first informed that I was a “survivor.”

I remember trying it on “I am a survivor” and telling them I didn’t like it. They told me that is what I was. How is it that if someone had something bad happen to them in any other circumstance they don’t go around calling themselves a “survivor,” it was an incident and they moved passed it. It happened, but it doesn’t define who they are as a person.

When someone is sexually violated of their sexuality and robbed of their innocence, their identity changes and they are called a “survivor.”  I never liked it. I felt we were so much more than our circumstances and I didn’t want to be labeled something that didn’t represent who I really was. I didn’t want to feel like the victim any longer and survivor was just a step above.

According to ASCA, “When children are abused they come to believe the messages their abusers deliver, such as: ‘You are worthless’ and ‘You have no value’. Of course, these messages are not true, but children accept and internalize them. These messages become ingrained that, when a child who has been abused or traumatized grows up, the adult survivor will often experience feelings of low self-worth or poor self-confidence. Rebuilding self-esteem is a gradual process, but a crucial one.”

I can see how many may think “Survivor” is a victory, but I believe it is not appropriate, we are all so much more than that. Just moving passed it and moving on makes you a Thriver! You didn’t let your past define you. Having role models like Lady Gaga, Oprah, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Queen Latifah, Dr. May Angelou, Vanessa Williams, Tyler Perry, Gabrielle Union and dozens of other celebrities that took their challenges and made them lessons for others to learn from grow and thrive.  Thrive is defined as to prosper; be fortunate or successful.  To grow or develop vigorously; flourish: I believe there are no mere survivors, but every one of us are Thrivers!

“If you’re an adult who experienced sexual abuse as a child, know that you are not alone. In the U.S., 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18 and 93% know the perpetrator. Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are in a position of trust or responsible for the child’s care, such as a family member, teacher, clergy member, or coach.” According to RAINN. This doesn’t include the numbers that experience sexual assault as an adult.

Many times the effects of sexual abuse include shame, and self-blame, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, self-esteem issues, addiction, self- injury and propensity to re-victimization in adulthood.

In Arianna Huffington’s book Thrive, “Thrive is structured to fix our broken definition of success.” “Our current definition of success is, as Thrive shows, literally killing us. We need a new way forward… That third metric, she writes in Thrive, includes our well-being, our ability to draw on our intuition and inner wisdom, our sense of wonder, and our capacity for compassion and giving.”

Why be a Survivor when you can be a Thriver?

Thrivers became the voice and role model in the communities, in our families that stop history from repeating itself. They are the hands that lift others to show them the way. They are not defined by what happens to them, they move forward despite adversity. Each one of us can choose to move on, make a difference, help others, be the hope for those that live in silence.

A client of mine who overcame emotional abuse from her ex-husband while working with me, called me one day, years later saying she had cancer and she was going to survive. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday and I said to her, “why just survive through cancer, when you can thrive through it?”  She lite up like a Christmas tree, I felt her energy through the phone. She made it her motto and today is a role model and a light for others to find their way from challenge to victory.

Secrets kill only the person holding them. I spent many years thinking I was the only one that experienced such pain and it made it unbearable. It was only when I learned I was not unique that I was able to stop beating myself up for what a young child doesn’t know and learn to grow through it.

It doesn’t matter what injustice brought you were you are today. What matters is how you use your lessons to help others. You can either be a message or a warning. Be the message and Thrive!

Be-(tiful)!

Be You (tiful)!

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It was something that came natural to you but then one day it all changed. Time to go back!

I remember a day when you could wake up and just be YOU! There were no putting on airs, just a carefree bundle of joy frolicking about and loving everything life had to offer.

Do you remember those days? They were there at one time, you were an infant running around loving life and having fun. Then something happened. Between the ages of 5-10 years old you started to discover your body more and listen to those around you. Perhaps we were introduced to what was right or wrong. You learned by watching how others treated themselves and viewed the world.

Things started to change. No longer was everything beautiful. There were rules and conditions on things. You were introduced to judgment, ridicule, criticism and people starting to put values on what was beautiful or not.

You started judging and with an attempt to fit in you began to question yourself. Your existence was longer enough to be loved. You started to learn there were conditions to fit in and be accepted. People would be saying things about someone else and you started to ask yourself if they thought that way about you too. Then you started noticing people being different and putting your opinions and beliefs on them. Before you knew it the innocence of that young child had vanished.

The child has grown up and became a person with hand me down beliefs from those that loved and cared for her, she has become critical of herself and others and no longer sees people or herself for who she is, but who she believes she is supposed to be.

The notion of beautiful has gotten marred by years of conditioning and propaganda that is all wrong and it is no longer enough to just “Be” but to “be something more than you are”.

Know that it is all wrong! The only thing that is important is what you learned as a young child and everything else was a poor attempt of fitting into a society that lost its eye for sheer beauty.

Be YOU and know that being you is Be YOU (tiful)!

 

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is the creator of Neurological Associative Programming (NAP) and a relationship & breakthrough expert. Contact her at here.
1-844-FINEtoFAB

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